This is Oil-Falls

 

When I was a young girl I almost drowned several times. But, only one drowning experience is probably enough for water to become a symbol of fear, it became a paralyzing threat. As I struggled against the current, the water transformed into a living, writhing, malicious being pushing and pulling me into a state of panic. The wider the river and the deeper the sea the stronger the water the more afraid I am of being swallowed by it. For humans, be it river or oceans, something as ordinary as water is in my opinion a subject of formidable force with terrifying strength. Ironically my artwork consists of images of water. Supposedly, a philosophical concept states that frightening memories from past experiences deeply impact our perception to a degree that those experiences will not re-emerge.  If that is the case, then what exactly is the fear I experience with water?

While I cannot sweep my fears aside, I can confront them directly and be able to break free from their limits.  Within the water I wanted to overcome my damaged self of self. I wanted to be free from this self-suppressing habitual fear.  Who knows, perhaps this fear is something I inflicted on myself.

There is a saying, “realizing one’s hopes,” in which one’s hopes and desires comes true within their unconscious dream world.  I have dreams where I am stranded in deep waters, without a lifesaver or a ferryboat or anything in sight. I journey many times through rivers and oceans freely with perfect ease. I see waterfalls, gorges, and numerous currents and waterways merge together to form this gigantic ocean. Here, the powerful ocean waves don’t appear menacing but inspired awe and fed off it’s energy.  I approach the huge energetic force that is this ocean wave without hesitation. As I go deeper and deeper into the water I feel no fear in the darkness.

Though I haven’t avoided this dear, truthfully I have fought against it. While I could have gone on living with it the rest of my life, I needed to deal with it in order to have the strength and energy to live my artistic life to the fullest.  I had thought of just making excuses, claim to not know how to swim rather than admit that I was afraid, but I no longer wanted to live my life as a bystander.

Using this mindset I decide to make water the subject matter for my current body of work. Water is now my source of power rather than a trigger for pain. My persistent efforts have paid of in  transforming my past phobia Into an important motif in my work.

I am amazed by its ability to unfalteringly approach any barrier whatever the obstacle may be. It could be the edge of a cliff, or a cluster of branches, it tosses and turns with a charged energy. Water never stops and moving, it’s approach preceded by a peculiar rushing noise before breaking it’s way through, like a drum roll before a dramatic performance. That is what an ocean wave is, persistently moving forward, unaware of other waves and never stopping until they hit the shore.  It is a monstrous force that comes from the movement in the earth’s crust, but personally it is a constant flowing source of energy.

One would never suspect my traumatic history with water by viewing my work alone,

It does not contain a trace of fear, Now water is an intimate friend. 

 

“This is OIL” is the title of my series.  One cannot interpret these ideas by simply glancing and the forms and shapes on the image surface.  The more you study the colors, forms and shapes the more it changes and that is how you can grasp the heart and the emotions of the piece, and with constant practice one can live an increasingly successful life.